This month has been full of highs and lows. It started off with a wonderful half term holiday, trials for Joshua at MK dons and Freya's birthday.
We then had a turn for the worse when unfortunately both of our rabbits died within 4 days of each other. Both were only 2 and we adored them. Freya was away on a residential trip with the school when the second one died and that worried me so much. The last thing she had said to her rabbit before she went was "please don't die".
I couldn't stop thinking about how I was going to tell her, imagining her thinking about her rabbit whilst she was away. Believing that when she came off the coach, the first thing she would say would be; "How is Hop"?
But when she came back she actually wasn't as bad as I thought she would be. It wasn't the first thing she asked and it hadn't been on her mind the whole time she was away and she had Bella, the dog, who she did ask for and did throw her arms around when she came home.
Isn't it funny how we put our own thoughts, feelings, impressions and expectations on other people without really knowing how they will be because we are not them. I can only control how I feel and I was so very sad about the rabbits, maybe more than everyone else. I imagined how I would have felt and what I would have said and done and thought had I been in Freya's position. I am not Freya though and I didn't need to worry so much. Had I thought about it through her eyes I might have been closer to how she actually did think, feel and act.
Don't get me wrong, she was sad but it hadn't consumed her, she had dealt with it so very well and I am very proud of her. Worrying about something that I couldn't control was not helpful. I couldn't do anything to change what had happened and I couldn't know how she would be.
It was a real lesson learnt for me, to not put my thoughts and feelings on to someone else. Yes I know my daughter very well but she is her own wonderful being and I am me. We are not the same.
The day after she came back, Freya and I went straight to the beach with one of our friends and both ponies. Bob, the pony, is going back to his owner this weekend, after 2 years, so we wanted to do something special as a send off. It was the most amazing weekend ever and one we will never forget.
I will make sure this time, when Bob leaves, that I don't presume how she will feel and wait and see how it goes.
When you care for someone so very much it is hard not to get caught up in how they must feel. But until you actually ask them and see them, we really don't know. Even then, we may never truly know or understand how someone feels about something.
That is ok.
All we can control is how we behave in certain situations, how we react, how we think and how we feel.