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Do you doubt yourself?


I specialise in working with horse riders but this question above doesn't have to be related to a horse...so let's replace horse with anything or anyone....


"Do you doubt yourself, meaning you feel undecisive and leave anyone else making the choices?"


The fact is that your self doubt is stopping you from making choices. You would much prefer for someone else or something else, if we are thinking horses, to make that decision rather than you.


So why is that? What is it that stops you from making the choice? Why do you prefer that it is done for you? Or do you not prefer it, but by the time you have decided, it is too late? You certainly don't get much time coming up to a jump!!


If a horse feels that doubt they don't feel as safe and as a flight animal they need to feel in control if they don't think you have got their back. So many times I rode my old pony towards a jump just willing him to go over it but with no conviction from my part. I let him take me over or stop or run out or basically do whatever he wanted because I wasn't confident enough. I didn't give him the right signals, I didn't believe I actually could do it so I left it all up to him. I wasn't good enough to make that choice...


Did this help our riding journey? No not really!! He loved jumping so yes he usually went over but when he stopped I couldn't blame him, a wish and a hope isn't always enough!!


So how often do you do this in your life? How often do you let someone else run a meeting when actually you know the content better but you didn't say you would do it?


How often have you allowed you partner to decide where they want to go on holiday, for example, maybe because it is easier, but actually you disagree?


How often have your friends chosen to do something and you have gone along with it but actually you don't want to?


Have your children dominated the decisions of what they want and you just allow it because why would they want to do what you suggest or what you want?


The list could go on and on and it is time to listen to yourself and start knowing what you want and acting on it.


Step 1: Decide what you want before you are in that decisive moment. I know this isn't always the case for everything but if we can get these situations nailed then the unexpected ones will be easier to know what your own choice would be.


Step 2: Setting intent that you want that and writing it down if need be...I fully intend to...(jump that jump)...


Step 3: Visualise actually doing it. There is a reason why so many sporting professionals visualise themselves winning races, jumping that fence, and repeating certain skills all in their minds eye...it works! When it comes to actually doing it you have run it through so many times it feels very clear, your brain can see the programme it needs to run, you can see it and therefore believe and know you can do it. When you actually do it it isn't as scary, for example, because you have practiced it so many times more than just in the physical form.


Step 4: Go out and enjoy doing it having said your intention and run your movie in your head.


Step 5: Celebrate how brilliant you were and remember how it felt so that next time there will be less self doubt and more confidence and excitement about those choices that yes, can put you out your comfort zone.


If you don't do anything different, nothing is going to change...put your big girl pants on and at least decide what you want...you can do this...visualise doing it...😊

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