I am very lucky to have had the most wonderful supportive loving parents. It really is better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all but oh my goodness it hurts when you can't hug them, spend time with them, have them at your wedding day, share your new life with them and watch them become the best grandparents a family could want. I miss them so much and even though I have learnt to deal with that big space I still have sad days.
My mum was full of life and love. She was musical, sporty, a great games player and possibly the kindest and most generous lady. She suffered with early onset altzeimers, which is a cruel disease and died at the age of 55.
My Dad was so kind and calm. He made people feel at ease and had the most amazing presence about him. He loved busses and trains, all sports but mostly football and cricket. The cricket in the summer would be on in every room on the tv or radio. When Mum died he was already battling with cancer and he was so brave, never moaning once and always there for me. We became the best of friends and he even met us in Australia to go travelling in our camper van and watch the ashes live.
When Mum was very ill and my Dad and I were still caring for her at home I had my canoe level 2 coaching qualification to complete. It was the most horrendous conditions, cold, horizontal rain and windy. I remember feeling totally free and happy to be there. It didn't matter about the weather, I was going to make the most of it. I passed and my assessor said one of my greatest strengths was being so happy, positive and encouraging in such horrid conditions. I explained my situation and he told me to never forget how I felt today because if I can carry that with me it will help me for the rest of my life.
When Mum died, Dad and I were travelling home from her care home and I noticed the blue sky and beautiful sunshine. It felt so peaceful and made me think how often do we not look up and appreciate what is above.
I travelled round the world after Mum had died and I found that nature was healing me in all the wonderful places I was fortunate enough to experience. It wasn't the big cities I sought out but the sea, mountains, rivers and forest. The time I was given to just be, outside, was so important.
My Dads fight with cancer lasted 5 years and when he died I threw myself into my dream that had come true just 6 months earlier. I finally had my first pony, Ed, the best pony in the world. I know if it hadn't been for that pony and being outdoors with a mission to look after him, I would have found everything so much harder. He was my everything and he gave me so much that at the time I had no idea about.
So I'm not saying when someone dies you need to travel round the world or buy a pony, just find that time and space to be outside. Give yourself time out to be. Treat yourself, remember how precious life is and be grateful for what we have and go get those dreams. Grief is hard and we all have our ways of coping with it, this is a little insight to mine.